致家长的公开信

亲爱的家长,

I have been working in the area of students with disabilities at the college 水平 for more than 30 years, but that is not why 我在写 to you today. 我在写 as a parent, and thus as someone who shares all your current anxieties. 我的女儿, who graduated from high school in early June, will be going away to college this fall. She has Cerebral Palsy, uses a wheelchair, and has limited speech capabilities, so you can be assured that I have been very involved in the educational programming and planning she has received during her years in the public school system. 我想 be involved, but I also needed to be involved since, by law, the school could not do anything for, to, or with my daughter regarding her disability without my permission. I sat through countless IEP meetings over the years, I was insistent on certain issues of academic support when I needed to be, and I agonized over everything from teacher selection to her successful social integration with classmates. 现在，在我准备的时候 to pack her up and take her off to college in the fall, I recognize that this role has ended for me - and the word "anxious" doesn't even begin to describe my feelings.

If you are worried that your child with a disability will have a difficult time making a successful transition to college without your involvement... 那么你很可能 担心是对的. Very few children with disabilities can succeed at the college 水平. On the other hand, students with disabilities survive and thrive on college 遍布全国的校园. If you still think of your son or daughter as your "child," and they still are comfortable in accepting that role, it is time to take a careful look at where you have come from and what lies before you. 作为父母，是时候了 for us to step back and allow/encourage/gently nudge our SWD's (Students with Disabilities) to assume significant independent responsibility for their own lives, both academically 和个人.

As you and your SWD prepare to visit campus for that initial meeting with a disability service provider at the college, you would do well to think about what can be accomplished at this initial meeting, what needs to be said - and who is going to say it!!! As I approach that same milestone with my daughter, I find myself a little panicky, realizing that there are things about her disability and how it impacts on her functioning that I know and that the disability services provider needs to know, and that I may not 有很多机会说吗. There is no doubt that I can explain those things more fully than my daughter can explain them (or even understands them!). 这并不重要.  Much as I hate it, I know that SHE has to be the one to convey all this crucial information (不是我!)，原因有很多.

First, colleges and universities provide services and support to SWD under very different laws than those that governed services in the K-12 system. 作为家长，我没有 rights under Section 504/ADA in speaking for my SWD who is in college. (如果你不是 sure what "Section 504/ADA" means in this context, perhaps the disability service provider you meet with will have gathered some information that helps explain the differences between settings, both legally and practically. 两个我最喜欢的网站 for learning more are at: http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html 和http://www.希斯.乔治华盛顿.edu/). The services and support available to SWD are sometimes very different than what was provided in high school, and the college is under no obligation to continue the services given in high school or to adhere to the recommendations 一个外部的诊断专家. The college will make its own determination of what services and support to offer, based on the documentation of disability and their interview 与你的社署署长. There are no IEP's in college, there is no place to sign off with my 父母的批准. Indeed, the college doesn't legally have to care whether I am satisfied 或不. My daughter is responsible for her own destiny now.

More importantly, while this may be your last 机会 to convey all that important information on to the college, it is your SWD's first 机会 to convey that information 全靠他/她自己. Don't spoil that opportunity, and don't interfere. 记住, while you and your SWD are learning more about the campus, the resources, and the people who will be there to help when needed, the disability service provider is learning more about your son/daughter, as well. You want their first impression to be one that 是积极的，让人放心的. The service provider is anxious to find out whether your SWD is mature enough to handle the responsibilities and independence of college life. Here are some specific suggestions for helping your SWD to shine in this newly focused 焦点:

• DON'T be insulted if you are not invited to sit in on the initial meeting between your SWD and the disability services folks. Some institutions have found that it is helpful for them to speak directly (and alone!) to the student in order to get a feel for how knowledgeable and confident s/he is in sharing information about past services, what works and doesn't work, and what accommodations they hope to have at the college 水平. 你会 get a 机会 to 提出你的问题, but recognize that it may come 晚一点，而不是早一点. 
• If you are invited to sit in on 会议 with the disability services folks, DO acknowledge your SWD as the authority on their disability-related needs by making it clear that you believe they have all the answers! Try focusing your visual attention on your son/daughter instead of trying to make eye contact with 面试er. If you look to your SWD, so will the professional.
• DON'T begin any sentence with "S/He needs to have..." Instead, you can try, “In high 学校，他/她有..." or "The person who tested him/her suggested...“但是它会。 actually be better if you said nothing at all! Try to talk as little as possible in 会议. 这不是你的会议. 记住, you are there as an observer, not 作为参与者. 
• DO take some time prepping your son/daughter in advance on the issues that you think need to be discussed - the things that you would say if you had the 机会. 做一个 list of the topics you would bring up, explain why you think each is important, and make sure your SWD has the list in hand when s/he goes into 面试. 排练 with your son/daughter, if they will let you. If they are typical teens and aren't comfortable sitting through that kind of rehearsal, settle for making them sit and listen while you demonstrate how you would approach certain subjects. 例如, "I think you should tell them about how the teachers arranged for extra time for you on tests when you were in high school. I'd probably say, 'In high school, I was allowed extra time for tests in English because it takes me a long time to put my thoughts in writing, but I never needed it in Math.’” Your SWD may not acknowledge the strategies you share, but you may be surprised to hear those word come out of his/her mouth at 面试!
• 不要打断. If you disagree with something the disability service provider says, or if your SWD says something that you know is incorrect, or if you see your SWD agreeing with/to something when you know they have no idea what they are agreeing to - DON'T 中断! 让面试进行到底. 给 the disability service provider a 机会 to draw your SWD out further, give your SWD an opportunity to clarify matters, or simply wait to see if the confusion/disagreement remains. 知道这一点很重要 just how independent and accurate students are in describing their needs. 你会 抓住机会.
• DO prompt your son/daughter to speak up and share those important points as 面试 进展. Instead of explaining to the disability service provider why Johnny needs a calculator in math classes, turn to Johnny and say, "Why don't you explain to Ms. _____ why it is important for you to have a calculator for math and science classes? Is it because you have trouble lining up the columns, or because you have trouble 记住基本的数学事实或???" 给 an open ended question that encourages your 社署作出充实回应. At the same time, you are hinting to 面试er that there is an issue here to be discussed (See? I told you that you would get your 机会!)

Why not take notes as 面试 进展? When your son/daughter has exhausted the list of topics to discuss, and the disability service provider has shared all the information they thought was important, it is YOUR turn to talk. 继续 提出你的问题. The most important thing to remember now is that you do not want to undermine your son/daughter's credibility. If you have more information to share on a given' subject, try starting the sentence with, "As Susie told you, she has used..." and then add whatever you need to on top of information already given. 如果你认为 your SWD gave incorrect information, tread carefully. 你可能会说:“我很惊讶 听到简说_________. I would have said __________, because...“你会得到你的 point across without directly contradicting what your son/daughter said. 你的目标 is to assure both the SWD and the disability service provider that you are supportive of their budding understanding, and simply want to share another viewpoint.

有句老话说:
There are only two things a parent can give to a child ... 一个是根. 另一个 是翅膀.

It is time for our kids to solo. That is a scary thought for us, as parents, and it is sure to be scary for them, too. 没关系. This is what we have all been working 朝着很长一段时间. 记住, your son/daughter will call, email, or text if 他们需要你. They know what you can do for them, but now it is time for them to 单干. Take a deep breath, cross your fingers, wish them well - and walk away. 一切都会好起来的!

祝你好运。 
简年后)
骄傲(和恐惧)的妈妈    
JaneJarrow@aol.com